“You were a very feminine child,” she said. She sipped her drink and cocked her head to the side, taking in my buzzed hair, green vest, and slacks. I was standing in the kitchen, picking cheese from a platter, when a relative resembling a Disney villain pronounced that I looked more masculine than she remembered. Picture a dimly lit room filled with candles and wine, cheery tunes, and garlands twinkling in the background. Two years ago, I attended a Christmas party at my parent’s house in California.

For all people who have not shared their pronouns with you, commit to using singular “they” until you learn their pronouns.If the individual you meet feels comfortable doing so, they may share their pronouns with you.

The advice here is to focus instead on always introducing yourself with your pronouns.

When it comes to asking someone their pronouns, it can get more complicated, as most people don’t ask everyone their pronouns - most people only tend to ask visibly transgender or gender-nonconforming people.

Online, including in email signatures, you can include your pronouns (typically in the format of “X/X” or “X/X/X” (e.g.

I use they/them pronouns, and I’m a diversity, equity, and inclusion strategist living on Muwekma Ohlone land in the San Francisco Bay Area.”

In-person, share them with your basic intro.The answer is clear, straightforward, and casual - in the same way you’d share what region or city you live in.What’s the best way to tell someone your pronouns at work?

What pronoun is we